I Don't Even Have To Try

Grab your guns boys and girls. The red menace has finally made its move. Well, at least they were smart enough to start at our weakest point -- Georgia.

One can never underestimate the ignorance of the people on this planet. The internet was invented to prove this. Out of 1,000,000 people, three might know what the hell is going on and can spot the joke.

Personally, I think only one out of the 3 actually gets it and the other two agree with him to sound smart. And to illustrate stoopidity in the world I offer two items today. The first is found here -- Yahoo Answers, where Yahoo proves that Wikipedia is an anamoly -- Web sites that allow the masses to post and edit information only rarely provide intelligent and accurate information. Most of the people here are either too smart for their own good, or completely clueless.

Attack of the Russkies

My second illustration of the ignorance afflicting this planet -- My sister worked in the travel industry for years. Back when she was taking reservations for Gamma Airlines someone in her office got a call from a young serviceman who had just received his deployment orders. Being a good soldier, he called Gamma Airlines to book his reservation. Only problem was that he didn't know where he was going. He'd never heard of Maconga. No one in the reservation office had heard of it either. Folks were pulling atlases out and poring over World Encyclopedia maps. No one could figure out where Maconga was.

Could it be some small former soviet-bloc province? Maybe some tiny city in South Africa? Or perhaps a tiny island near Grenada?

Finally, a light bulb went off, and my sister asked the young man, "Could that possibly be Macon, GEORGIA, sir?"

It's great to see the military mind at work.

No Worries, at least not next time

We're still recovering from moving in June (or was it July, it's all a blur now). But I think I have finally reached that stage of the healing process where I can talk (or write) about the traumatic experience.

The hardest part about the move (or at least one of the many hard parts) is notifiying everyone and then trying to explain it. So, for the most part, we have ignored it, putting off the chore of sending out change of address notices until now. The holiday season (which I will excoriate in a future posting) has exacerbated the situation. The issue is this -- our address has changed so very little. Not much at all, in fact. Only 9 digits, to be precise. You see our new address is:

1436 Mordor's Way
Merkin, TX
(not our real new address)

Our old house address was 1445 Mordor's Way.
(not our real old address)

Did you catch that? Do you see the problem?

Old = 1445
- New = 1436
===============
= 0009

Yes, we moved 9 whole digits away. Let me make that clear. That's 9 digits, not miles, not blocks, not even houses -- 9 digits. And that's even closer here in our part of Merkin, since every lot is equivalent to 4 digits. What all this means is simple -- we moved two houses down. And across the street.

Out of a certain masochistic curiosity, I went to Google Maps and asked for a travelogue of our projected move. Here are the instructions in their entirety:

1. Turn Right on Mordor's Way.
2. Proceed 187 feet.
3. Turn Left.

I have never, ever, not even once in all my life have I ever experienced a worse move. I think the folks selling us their house (friends and neighbors, of course) had an easier move. From 1436 Mordor's Way, Merkin, TX to 205 Smeagol Dr., LL Beane, NH. Such was my frame of mind as I walked a dolly (or hand truck) loaded with four or five boxes of books the 187 feet from house A to house B. My new (and old) neighbor yelled across the street to me, "Easiest move ever!"

If I hadn't been staying in the neighborhood I would have, at the very least, flipped him the bird. What I wanted to do was put his bald cranium in a head lock and goose-step him over to my garage. If he thought it was so easy, he could move my shit.

Well, as the Aussies love to say, "No Worries." Especially since I have decided that the next time I move I won't know what year it is and I'll be wearing a diaper under my pajamas.