The Pet Goat

My 10:00 Monday meeting is with our CIO and Senior Management. We review the project list (that I pretend to maintain). It usually lasts for about 30 minutes. When we're done, I get to leave and the Sr. Staff and the CIO have a staff meeting. Once in a while I'll be asked to stay because I'm working on a project they will be discussing, but that rarely happens. Today, though I really wish I'd been able to stay.

Just as we are about to get started, our Director of Information Security, Savanna Samson* walked into the meeting looking like she's one step away from her eternal afterlife (this is actually pretty normal, however today she was looking particularly funereal). Anyhow, she drags herself through the door and announces, "There's been another one."

By another one, she is referring to another Security Breach. About two weeks ago our system was "compromised" and a hacker was able to obtain sensitive information like SSNs for nearly 10,000 people (mentioned in The Inmates Are In Control, Part Uno).

Peter North*, the CIO, asks if it's bad. She replies that it is "worse than last time." and that she has been working on it all weekend.

The first thought that pops into my head is, "She's been working on it for 2-3 days and hasn't informed her CIO?"

Peter leaps to action, "Do we need to talk about it now?" Talk about bold leadership.

"No," she says, "we can talk about it in our 10:30." Meaning she won't say anything more until I am out of the room. I guess she knows I'll be informing all my hacker buddies of the countermeasures.

Super CIO says okay, and that's it. Not the slightest sign of being perturbed or upset about this.

And that is Standard Operating Procedure.

He reminds me of George W. Bush sitting in an elementary classroom reading the children's book, The Pet Goat. You can see the wheels turning, but instead of formulating a plan of response you can tell he's thinking, "must look presidential, must look presidential."

It's Like They Just Write Themselves

I'm still on my harangue about stupid people. A favorite topic of mine.

Even before Russian stealth tanks started rolling up I-95 from Miami, I stumbled upon another great example of people typing while their brains were stuck in neutral. I recently started reading a sometimes very funny blog called "Holy Juan." (On a side note -- I must recommend his entry of July 12, 2008, Tips for Meeting Your Future Self, an idea I may have to steal.) Anyway, amongst all his other doggerel was a short piece called Stay Out Daddy. I won't waste time summarizing it -- it's only three paragraphs for god's sake.

But I strongly recommend you do as he suggests -- read the comments. There are 87 as of today. You might even spot some offerings from yours truly, the most woeful one.

The Russians Are Coming! The Russians Are Coming!

In my previous post, I linked to a hilarious Yahoo Answers discussion. Unfortunately, Yahoo Answers, censors that they are, has deleted the question I had directed you to, so you'll have to imagine the stupidity. Basically, a fellow was curious about some news and posted this question:

I live in georegia but i dont see rusia no where not even sound but they says theres tanks should i be worrie

i herd on the news that rusia has invaded but i dont see them no where wats going on

Needless to say, the guy was joking. But a huge amount of uptight fools took the bait and posted comments ridiculing the guy's stupidity. There were some classic insults about the Georgia education system and annoying pedants educating all us dumb bumpkins that Russia had invaded Ossetia, a province of the country Georgia that borders Russia, not the state that borders Florida.

The better comments were from people who actually got the joke:

Relax. I'm in Michigan and we heard about it on the news. Many of us are on our way in a convoy of pick-up trucks to help! Stand-by and stay where you are until we get there!

Nø need to fear the Russians. The Havarti Quesadilla Revolutionary Årmy is the real menace. The south will be reclaimed. Long live the Dano-Mex revølution. Long Live Knud Gonzales, the river to his people.

These smarter answers also covered (in depth) the existence of Russian Stealth Tanks painted with light-refracting spray paint -- this makes them invisible. But the smart idjits still didn't understand. Even some other sites became obsessed with this stupid guy from Georgia. One forum discussion starts with the question from the guy in "georegia," along with the comment, "This is why breeding should require a license." I don't think he got the joke either.