Cube Sharing with Cthulu

First you hear the

(shh+shh)
                (shh+shh)

                                of thigh-induced friction.

Then the heavy breathing.

(Get your mind out of the gutter.)

It’s the raspy panting of an overweight person working beyond capacity, followed by the squeaky complaints of two small wheels. Just when you expect to hear the sound of collapsing bodies and toppled cubicle walls, it stops.

You sense a presence very close. Very short.

More heavy breathing, combined with an unhealthy liquidy rasping sound. A deep rattling breath followed by a muttered, "Shoot!"

You brace for it … you know it's coming … the pause is crushing in its length — made worse because you know what's coming …

Hyuck ckaw ckaw

There it is - oh, the horror! - the disgusting cough clenches your bowels and starts a clawing at the back of your throat.

You scramble for your headphones but you're never fast enough.

Hyuck ckaw ckaw
Erph ack!

And so another day begins.

Kobayashi Mauru

It's a Koboyashi Maru situation only in the sense that there is no good answer.

Amazon delivered A Dance with Dragons: A Song of Ice and Fire: Book Five yesterday and I can't decide which of these 3 options I should take (four if you include giving up on George R. R. Martin altogether):

So, should I:

1. Read it immediately, and to hell with any worries about being confused?
2. Spend the next 3-6 weeks re-reading books 1-16, er, I mean 1-4 before tackling book 5?
3. Belatedly try to enforce the Robert Jordan rule?

Option 1 means I'll probably be lost in a sea of names and plot details I have forgotten since I last read A Feast for Crows (A Song of Ice and Fire, Book 4) about 4 years ago.

Option 2 is something I would enjoy doing, but still seems like a waste of time since I've read them before and will probably need to re-read them again in 16 years when the next book gets published.

Option 3 means I put the book on a shelf and wait 22 years for the final book to make an appearance. (Yes, I know book 6 is supposed to be the final book, but I have my doubts¹.) Option 3 seems drastic, but really has a certain appeal; I've always felt stupid for letting my buddy Ryan talk me into breaking this rule for this series. C'mon, does this man look healthy enough to live another 25 years?

As I said, there is no good answer. All these choices suck, and so I may just flip a coin.

In reality, my dearth of good reading material will probably decide the matter for me.

In other words, screw the redshirts - they've always been cannon fodder anyhow.

---

^1. In all the hoopla with the release of this latest volume, I have now learned that I was prescient in my prediction that this saga would not conclude in book six. In fact, Martin stated back in 2005 (so much for my mystical powers) that the series would require 7 volumes. My money is that he won't be able to finish it in 8, so it will go to 10 (on the basis that 9 is too weird a number for a series). I'd say this is a safe bet; tellingly Martin made this 2005 announcement when revealing that A Feast for Crows would need to be split into two volumes.

This is what angered so many people. The second volume of A Feast for Crows was almost done, Martin said, and would be released in maybe 6 months or a year. The name of that second volume? A Dance with Dragons. Yes, that A Dance with Dragons — the book fans have been waiting 6 years for was overdue 4 years ago.

Last video link, I swear

At least for this decade.

Personally, I don't have any use for Jimmy Fallon. I don't think he's funny. He's not even mildly amusing. He always seemed the perfect example of the complete de-evolution of SNL. If Dana Carvey was a shitty substitute for Chevy Chase, Jimmy Fallon was an even shittier substitute for Carvey (and Carvey is a complete douche).

But, I have to say -- this is genius:

His Neil Young impersonation is spot-on. And yes, that is the real Bruce Springsteen (in makeup) accompanying the untalented (or so I thought) Jimmy Fallon.