A Great Job to Have

According to the radio this morning, the recently deceased writer, Dominck Dunne was, "the guy that reviews celebrity murders on the Criminal Investigations cable channel."

His shows must have been great.

I have to give Ryan Jenkins some credit for going to the trouble of removing the teeth and fingers of his ex-wife, model Jasmine Fiore before dismembering her body. But he lacked panache, as well as foresight. Anyone can stuff a body in a suitcase and toss it in a dumpster. No, if he meant to impress, he would have opted for using this antique butterfly steamer trunk (available at Neiman Marcus), or something equally stylish.

At the least, he could have picked a dumpster in a better neighborhood. A killer with style would have chosen to use the disposal container of a fine restaurant or maybe a trendy nightclub; not a seedy grocery store.

So, for style, I have to give Ryan Jenkins a D. For execution, Mr. Jenkins receives an F. Of course, almost all suicides automatically earn major negative marks, but even without this decision (Canada? He ran away to Canada?), I'm certain he still would have earned an F. His actions were those of an inexperienced and incompetent killer. To go to all the trouble of hacking up his ex-wife's body, only to leave the breast implants untouched is a truly amateur move. Everyone knows those things have serial numbers that are better than teeth for identifying a corpse.

We all miss the excitement of a master like O.J. Now I can hardly wait to witness the courtroom drama that is sure to be an everyday part of the Michael Jackson murder.

I know, I am a sick pup.