Thursday, July 10, 2014

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Quacks Rampant

I Gots A Tumor

Part the Third
or Quacks Rampant

This is yet another entry where I repost Facebook posts on this here bloggery thing. It adds content to O Woe Is Me without requiring me to actually write anything. At the same time, it helps me maintain the charade that I actually do work at my place of employment.

If you want to read this series from the start, go to Part Uno, which launches this tale, here.

If you did read these as they originally appeared on Facebook, you will find it has changed little. I've even ported the comments over from that site, but have anonymized them, hiding the true identities of the posters.

Now, let us return to those days of yesteryear to continue our story:


Dateline: Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Okay, gentle reader, brace yourself;

I know you've been sitting in your easy-chair; afraid of even opening your facebook page for fear that it might reveal the dire results of my MRI.

Oh, you didn't know? You have been living in a john-e.-harvey-news-free-zone for the past two months? Let me just say that I, your humble servant, have been wrestling with life changing existential questions of existence, pondering the very nature of what it is to be living, to be a breathing, thinking human being; and then contemplating the exact opposite of all those things.

For the simple layman, let me express it thus: There might be something WRONG with my BRAIN! Both my sisters had to have BRAIN SURGERY. The each got a COIL stuck in their heads. A Platinum coil - not plutonium (although that would be cool, that would be wrong . . . Melinda Harvey Kianpour).

To find out whether the world might suffer the early loss of yours truly, I was forced to perform some embarrassing tests, and then had to get an MRI. (Actually, other than the MRI, the tests were entirely constructed and performed by myself, and were mostly designed to test how my brain responds to increasingly larger quantities of alcohol.) Anyhow, I've already regaled most of you with these tales, and normally I would send you newcomers to my earlier posts. But A - I can't be bothered to include links here, and 2 - Facebook has such a shitty interface when it comes to looking for past posts, I decided the task would be better left unattempted (much like my singing career). Suffice to say, I had to subject myself to the indignity of laying still for 15 minutes so that a radiologist, whose training probably consisted of little more than being mailed a piece of paper stating, "The bearer of this note is entitled to one (1) and only one Certificate in Radiology from DeVry Tech," could subject me to his droll idea of humor with cracks like, "Yep - it (the brain) is there all right!"

Then I had to wait. And wait. AND Wait for the results. For some reason my neurosurgeon thought the birth of his first born child was more important than informing me of what fate held in store for me.

Well, last Thursday morning all three of the Harvey Siblings made the now familiar trek down to Oak Cliff to get the bad news. It was pretty obvious to me that the news was going to be dire. Why else would they confirm my appointment? Why else would they make me worry and sweat and worry and drive all the way out there? And why on earth would my sisters make the journey with me, unless they knew something I didn't?

Sure, Melinda, the girl with the plutonium coil, had to get a post-surgery checkup. But Suzanne Grayson, the sister who started all this drama? She certainly didn't have to be there, did she? And although my Neurosurgeon is obviously a well-heeled gentleman, and freakishly tall, Suzanne knows his wife just had a baby. So I ask you, why did she make the trip, if not to be there to gloat, I mean console me, when I got the horrific news?

Suzanne is our resident medical expert, what with her millions of years as a respiratory therapist and her current position of Queen-Of-All-That-Matters at the Methodist Richardson Medical Center. Her presence at the inquest, er, reveal, er, results appointment could only mean one thing. And that one thing was not a good thing. She even agreed with my logic concerning my impending doom.

In addition to all I've mentioned in all my previous posts, one cannot avoid the most obvious factor that would seem to insist I have a brain tumor - it just EXPLAINS everything. And don't get me started on Karma. I quit believing in karma the day it ran over my dogma or something like that. Anyhow, if I did believe in karma, I probably would be too frightened to ever get out of bed again.

So things were bleak in the waiting room. The two chatty Cathys I am related to kept their nonstop babble down to a low roar, and only mostly filled the room with their laughter. An observer could tell we were all nervous - I was even allowed to speak on occasion!

The doctor walked into the cramped patient room and confirmed our fears (we, all three of us, were in there together). The first thing he said (after getting over the shock of seeing three grown adults in his exam room) was, "I'll start with Melinda."

Why would he want to start with Melinda? It could only mean one thing. One scary, crazy thing - I was going to DIE!

But not today. I soldiered on, and kept a brave face through Melinda's inane story about platinum coils and under wire bras and questions about new aneurysms developing and asking to see pictures. Pictures! Of her Brain! We aren't here to see pictures of mythical unicorns! We are here to find out how many weeks I may have to live.

Now that I was certain I had an aneurysm, I knew it just had to be massive! Suzanne's was only 4 whatevers in size, but she needed surgery because hers was in such a weird place. The threshold for surgery is usually 7 whatevers. Melinda's was in a typical place (between the eyes), but she needed surgery because her aneurysm was 9 whatevers.

Let's look at what the math is telling us - the aneurysm has doubled in size for each Harvey sibling. And the law of averages demands that being last; the next sibling's aneurysm will be located in a weird place.

OMG! My aneurysm was going to be 18 whatevers and be located on my medulla oblongata!

Finally, the doctor answered all Melinda's questions about whether her kids (Come on, really? Her kids?) needed to be tested, and turned to me and delivered the most devastating news of all:

“john - your brain is normal.”

Comments:

CN (An old buddy from HS who went to A&M and never left):  Haha, you're "normal"!

SL (a friend and former enabler):  Yeah. ^ what he said

MAK (my friend and a KC school nurse):  Brother John. YOUR brain is far from normal. HOWEVER. Therapy of the psychological kind might be of benefit to you!!!

MAK:  AND. My prayers to St. Jude, yes the patron saint of hopeless causes, have been answered. NOW, what will you ruminate on???!!!!

RG (long-time accomplice and lost twin): If your doctor said that you might want to check his credentials.

MAK:  Zinger!!!

MAK:  I know!! Maybe its a "girl thing" . You, being a man, might have caught a lucky break. Finally!!

Me:  Actually, it is more prevalent in women - reducing the odds of my having an aneurysm, thus increasing (in my twisted logic), the likelihood that I would have one.

MAK:  I am getting dizzy!!

MAK:  Uh.oh. I am a woman.

CNH (a local nurse and dear friend): Dear God....I was holding my breath til the end. Next time give us the answer in 10 words or less Glad you're ok....well...'normal'

MAK:  Dear CNH. You might consider praying to St Jude as well. For John to say ANYTHING in less than ten words is impossible!!

BK (one of my dearest Missouri Friends; together we co-founded the CTGFL): I'll be raising one (probably more) in your honor my friend. Good news, well delivered!

CAC (one of my closest friends, he currently resides in Austin):  Normal? NORMAL??? N-O-R-M-A-L?!?!?! Roflmfao. He's no doctor. He's a freakin' comedian. And damn. I was hoping you'd get some answers. You know. ANSWERS and EXPLANATIONS. I guess it's back to church for me

RAS (Another of my closest friends, he lives close enough to make it to the Fillmore Pub occasionally):  I am forced to re-examine my understanding of the word "normal". To paraphrase The Princess Bride, I do not think this word means what I think it does.

LM (a cousin from down near Austin-way): Thank goodness! I was on pins & needles (no pun intended - well, maybe) waiting to find out your results. Cheers!!! And you've made the waiting game highly entertaining, dear cousin. I hope you're not too disappointed you won't get a brain coil, but you know how girls really like to accessorize. I too jumped on the Edwards bandwagon a few weeks ago and had an MRI/MRA to see if I could add a brain coil to all my other fun artificial hardware. Alas, I, too, am going home empty handed this time, also. The best part of the process was the lovely Xanax-Valium cocktail I enjoyed while relaxing inside the coffin, uh, mri tube. What I want to know now is, when will your book be on the shelves?

JE (a former co-worker in the book-related industry): Whew! Thanks for the good news. Not sure I want to thank you for the excruciatingly suspenseful narrative, however. Glad your brain is (physically) normal.

LJ (a friend of Melinda's, apparently): Hello John, this is LJ. Co-hort, co-partner in crime of Melinda Harvey Kianpour and o have thoroughly enjoyed reading your brain posts through Melinda. I am thrilled, although surprised, you didn't inherit the Harvey anyuerism!! I know Melindas brain well and adore her and her craziness! Congrats on a normal brain and it must be conclusive that you are NOT related to her. Bwah!!!

Monday, May 12, 2014

Interlude C

I Gots A Tumor

Interlude C
or The Medulla Oblongata capitulum.

Most of you have already read this little tale, especially if you were one of my Facebook "friends" back in June, 2013.

If you want to read the series from the start, you should begin with Part Uno.

For purposes of this post, I feel I should explain that MAK is a good friend who, in addition to being married to the guy who co-found the Church of the Guilt Free Life with yours truly, also happens to be Kansas City (actually Raytown) school nurse.
Dateline: Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Well then, MAK,

Here you go:

I guess it's time for another Brain Box Bulletin, a Cabeza Communiqué, a Noggin Newsletter. Medulla Oblongata capitulum.

I don't really have anything to report, and I guess that is the scary part. It might be gut-check time at the old Harvey Hotel.

You see, I have heard from my neurologist's office; the admin called me up to confirm my appointment on Thursday.

Did you hear what I just said? They confirmed my appointment! Do you think they want me to drive all the way to the 'Cliff just to shoot the breeze? Just to say, "Sorry we made you drive half way across Texas to come talk to us. We just love your witty sense of humor and your effervescent personality. By the way your brain is absolutely fine."

I can hear Dr. Newman (my Brain Doc) now, "How about a round of golf? - On me, of course. I can't have the rest of the gang at the country club thinking I won't treat the most eligible bachelor of North Texas to 18 holes. Then we can fly to Albuquerque for dinner. Nothing beats the carné asada at Pepe's while watching the sun set over Los Barrios."

No, it's time to face the music. And there was so much more I could have done.

Alas.

Comments:

MAK (my friend and a KC school nurse):  Jesus!!!

MAK: The neurologist wants your money! !!!

CD (Someone who apparently knows MAK): Mr. Harvey, I have NO idea who you are, but your updates to MA are hilarious and I believe I owe you some wine, tequila or other feel goodie for entertaining me as I have become a stalker because of you that is all, good brain tidings and " fore!!!"

MAK: CD, brother John and BK went to MU together as undergrads. He has ALWAYS entertained me with his writing both prose and poetry. OR whatever you would call it. His wit is unmatched. Jesus, I'm speaking about him as if he was in brain surgery and not expected to come out of it. I am certain this is entertaining to his "sick" sense of humor. Honestly, though, John is a very tender hearted long term friend( of BK's)who I have enjoyed communing with and comiserating also for a while now. It's a shame he won't get the hell out of Texas and move to the progressive Midwest, you know, where we have a bust of Rush Limbaugh under 24 hour guard in the Missouri Legislature.

CD: Gotta love a fellow tiger!!!

Me: awww shucks!

SS: (a local magician I work with): http://sd.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk/i/keep-calm-you-re-not-gonna-die.png

CAC (one of my closest friends, he currently resides in Austin): It's never too early to start panicking!

Me: AND the appointment is on Thursday. I never could get the hang of Thursdays.

CAC: Keep an eye out for yellow thingies.

Me: CD: I think I can safely say that is the first time anyone has ever called me a "tiger."

CAC: Not true. There was that night in high school.....

Me: Hey - what happens at Senior Retreat stays at Senior Retreat. Especially for an all boys high school!

CAC: That was a silent retreat as I recall. Silent.

Me: We need to take our show back out on the road, dude!

CAC: Only if I get to wear my elf costume.

Me: I think I nearly had a spew take there.

AHG (My CA cousin): Omg...John you seriously have to be the wittiest of the entire Harvey Clan. You could quit your day job and just write. We are sending positive thoughts and prayers your way for optimum health!!!!

Sunday, May 11, 2014

Giant Pink Elephants

I Gots A Tumor

Interlude B
or
How to Not Think About A Giant Pink Elephant When Everyone Around You Is Shouting "Giant Pink Elephant!"

Most of you have already read this little tale, especially if you were one of my Facebook "friends" back in June, 2013.

But since so many people enjoyed it there, and because Facebook has a truly shitty interface when it comes to finding old posts, I have decided to repost these classic bits of literature on this, my own personal website blog thing.

If you did read these as they originally appeared on Facebook, you will find little changed. I've even ported the comments over from that site, but have anonymized them, hiding the true identities of the posters.

If you want to read the series from the start, you should begin with Part Uno.

Let us begin:


Dateline: Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Lately I've been getting a lot of inquiries into the status of my brain health. I usually get two or three of these a week, usually in the form of a question like "What the hell were you thinking?" or "How can you be such an idiot?"

Over the last two weeks there has been a slight up-tick in these queries, mostly asking about my MRI.

As many of you, my gentle readers, know, I recently stuck my head in a basket and was told to lie down and hold still while a giant, whirring magnet was passed around my brain-bucket making very loud banging noises.

I did as the man in the pajamas asked and lay very still, concentrating hard on not thinking about itchy noses or narrow caskets. I managed to prevail, of course, and, you'll be happy to know, survived the experience with very little trauma.

Then I was told to wait. I had the MRI nearly two weeks ago. My consultation to review the MRI was on July 25. Or that's when it was scheduled. Unfortunately, I got a call before the appointment and was given some bad news - Could I come in on the 8th of August instead? It seems that my doctor would be unavailable until then.

Apparently his "wife" gave "birth" to a "baby." For some reason the bastard has decided that his family is more important than my life. He delayed my "brain review meeting" for two weeks while he stays at home and stares at his new baby. I know it's his first, but come on - after two hours, you've pretty much seen the whole show.

I'm not kidding. It's not like the kid can do anything. And I'm sure his wife can survive without his help. With a neurosurgeon's salary I have to assume he has plenty of house servants who can help. And I bet they all drive better cars than mine.

Anyhow, several folks have told me I should see this delay as good news - if my life were really in danger, the doctor would definitely have got me into surgery immediately - new baby or not.

But if you know me, you know that not only do I see the proverbial glass as half empty, I also say it's too damn small. No; if I were out of danger the doctor would have called already and told me so. It must be really bad if he is making me wait this long. He's probably been using his "family leave" to A) Talk to lawyers to see if he can increase his liability insurance, 2) Submit proposals to write up his unbelievable findings to the New England Journal of Medicine, and iii) Sell the film rights to this incredible story about MY freaky brain.

That's why he hasn't called me.

Or, maybe he's just busy.

It all gives me a big headache to think about - and you know, that just worries me even more.

Comments

MAK (My friend and a KC school nurse):  I just had a weird John Harvey kind of thought......What if u do need surgery and once u wake up u find yourself unable to write?????? Maybe there is something different about your brain which allows you to be a successful writer!!??!!

MAK:  Hurry up. Start writing your novel before it's too late!!!

Me:  Oh - that's your motivation I thought you were trying to talk me out of having surgery (if I need it)?

MAK:  Just sayin

MAK:  I care about u and your health but also think there is a quirky novel fighting to get out!!

CAC (One of my closest friends, he currently resides in Austin):  I believe some of the tools in the pic above can be used to help that quirky novel "get out" of his brain. I'm happy to help with that. I'm very good at "fixing" things.

Me:  Hey CAC, you were already my second choice if this Neurosurgeon flakes out on me. Now we just have to find a really small slinky.

CAC:  I'll sharpen up my Playschool doctor kit!

MAK:  Ahem. I Ammmm a nurse!

CAC:  So we've got a good team forming. Just need someone with a rubber hose and some kind of knockout gas (or car exhaust).

Me:  True, MAK:  - But have you watched Buckaroo Bonzai?

CAC:  Why's that watermelon there?

CAC:  No no no. Don't pull on that. You don't what it might be attached too.

Me:  Watermelon? Long story . . .

CAC:  Once you get down to a certain level, it all pretty much looks the same.

Me:  Chuckle

Me:  You know, I just realized! I fixed your cat!

CAC:  Oops. gotta go. Meeting starting in 11 minutes.

Me:  l8r

RAS (Another of my closest friends, he lives close enough to make it to the Fillmore Pub occasionally):  People please. Obviously we should do the surgery in my garage. It's very clean, I have sawhorses we can use to make a table, I have various small pointy pick things, a Dremel, a hacksaw, several sizes of pliers and clamps, an oil drain pan, and a beer fridge. You can even stay in the guest room a couple of days to recover.

And remember; no matter where you go, there you are.

MAK:  Yes. I have watched the adventures of buckaroo bonzai multiple times!!

MAK:  Richard we will need a LOT of alcohol!!!

Me:  Excellent point - so, how soon can you get down here MAK: ? I think we can forgo the whole "MRI Review" and just get started.

MAK:  Let me check my calendar. I start fulltime work tomorrow! My next long weekend off is Labor day werkend.

MAK:  By then we should know where to make the first incision with the dremel.

Me:  Ehhhxcellent

RAS:  Oh! I have an ice cream scoop too. That should be perfect for, you know, scooping stuff. Like brains.

CAC:  RS:  do you have a working knowledge of the effect on the human body of various gases, liquids, or blunt instruments? We still need someone to put him under so he doesn't squirm too much.

RAS:  I have a rubber mallet.

Me:  I'm laughing pretty hard right now.

I remember a concoction called, "The Manifesto!" that had quite the impact on me. Maybe we could bring in that famous mixologist Cpt. Wayne Danger (not to be confused with Carlos Danger) for a consultation. I hear he will usually settle for a tank of gas.

Saturday, May 10, 2014

The Very Expensive Machine

I Gots A Tumor

Interlude A
or
Obscure Facts About john

Most of you have already read this little tale, especially if you were one of my Facebook "friends" back in June, 2013.

If you want to read the series from the start, you should begin with Part Uno.


Dateline: Thursday, July 18, 2013

So, I finally had the MRI, and the verdict is official. I'm sure none of you may want to believe this, but the really big and very expensive machine that goes nnnnn-Bang-Bang takes really good pictures and the simple fact is this - I do have a brain.

So there!

Next Thursday I get the more detailed results of what my brain looks like and whether I need to make more long drives out to the hospital in Oak Cliff. I'll keep you all posted.

Comments:

CNH (a local nurse and dear friend):  U nut! Let us know if we can help-

THE (a dear friend, my "brother in New York"): Told ya.

MAK (my friend and a KC school nurse):  Thank u for the latest news about your brain and whether the rumors of its presence where true.

CAC (one of my closest friends, he currently resides in Austin):  You'd think with a brain that could blow a gasket any second, they would not subject you to driving to Oak Cliff. Surely someone knows brain stuff in Plano or Richardson, or North Dallas?

KPW (one of Melinda's best friends, and a close friend of mine, despite what she says):  The facts seem a little off...I think you should get a second opinion.

Melinda tries to compete

I Gots A Tumor, Part B

The continuing story so far

This is the second entry where I repost Facebook posts on this here bloggery thing. It adds content to O Woe Is Me without requiring me to actually write anything. At the same time, it helps me maintain the charade that I actually do work at my place of employment.

If you want to read Part Uno, refer to the post that immediately proceeds this one, here.

If you did read these as they originally appeared on Facebook, you will find little changed. I've even ported the comments over from that site, but have anonymized them, hiding the true identities of the posters.

Let us continue:



Dateline: Tuesday, July 9, 2013

My other sister,Melinda Harvey Kianpour, had to go and outdo my sister Suzanne Grayson, by having an aneurysm in her BRAIN almost TWICE as BIG as Suzanne's aneurysm. And this morning she underwent BRAIN Surgery! They stuck a COIL in her HEAD!

I got to see Melinda before her operation, but she was not a hell of a lot of fun to be around. At least not at first. She seemed a little nervous, so I tried to get her mind off her worries by telling her about all the things that could not possibly go wrong. That seemed to do the trick. The anesthesiologist stopped by and the next thing you know, Melinda was giggling and getting pretty goofy with her husband Behzad. Then they wheeled her off to surgery.

After a couple of hours of waiting, I'm happy to say I was doing fine. I got a chance to catch up with my brother-in-law. And Karen, one of Melinda's long-time friends, talked my frickin' ear off and forced me to play a game on her iPad. But most importantly, Suzanne was there and I was able to determine that she did not sound like a chipmunk or talk like a duck and - though she did have a tendency to talk about herself a little overmuch - she never once displayed any unreasonable fear of food products, bagels included.

So I relaxed quite a bit. Then Melinda's surgeon, a guy who had clearly fallen down Jack's Beanstalk (by that I mean he was Really TALL, gentle readers) showed up to tell us what a great job he had done sticking a COIL in Melinda's BRAIN!

It was an odd moment of Deja Vú - hadn't he told us the exact same thing in this exact same waiting room two weeks ago? Yes. Yes, he had; which was good news for me. I mean Melinda.

Anyhow, I won't bore you with the details of our post-op visit with Melinda, except to say that my clothes were not soiled in any way.

[Editor's Note: For reasons that I think will become clear, this was my subtle reference to an unpleasant incident immediately after surgery when Melinda was transferred from the gurney to her bed. I happened to be standing near the bed when her unhappy stomach decided to eject the slightest bit of gross, slimy, green . . . stuff. I assert to this day that none of it got on my shirt, or in my eye.]

Melinda should be released tomorrow, and I'm positive she will be doing great within a week.

Now, I know you are all once again wondering the same thing - the most important thing - john, what about you? How are YOU holding up after having to experience this twice? What further indignities will you have to suffer old pal, old chum?

Well . . . This aneurysm thing - I figured if it can kill a person, it might even be able to kill me. So, I'm going to get a COIL stuck in my BRAIN too. No - I haven't been tested yet, but we all know I must have a brain aneurysm - c'mon - it explains everything (well almost everything).

Apparently, however, insurance companies and doctors aren't so easily swayed by the argument, "Well, duh!" So I'll be getting an MRI as soon as they can get me in. I will be using my time to closely monitor Melinda, and continue my assessment of Suzanne.

If either of them starts speaking Pig Latin in iambic pentameter, I may rethink the whole thing.

Then again - that might be kind of fun.

I will leave you with that thought -- I bid you, "Good night."

Also, let me repeat this for those of you who didn't see my first status about Suzanne's operation - If you who have managed to suffer this far, and still find my attitude sick, or disturbing, or worse - stupid: all I can say is - forgive me, there is almost certainly something wrong with my BRAIN!

Comments:

MAK (My friend and a KC school nurse): Dear brother john. You AND your brain are both in my thoughts and prayers. And I am Catholic so you know I pray A LOT!!!

Me:  I'm not sure about this - My sister says she'd have my uncle perform mass for me. My feelings are strong - I don't believe in this stuff - and let's not draw any undue attention to me, just in case I'm wrong.

MAK: A mass in your name is a WONDERFUL idea.

Me:  Sez you

MAK: Go to that mass and gave a blessing with all in attendance lay hands on u. It is very powerful and reassuring.

MAK: Have

Me:  Or smoke could spout out of my ears and 100 lightning bolts may rain down from the heavens. I've seen this stuff in movies

MAK: Come now Brother. Movies are not real or true.

Me:  I think even the most unrealistic movie can be true - but I know that's not your point.

Me:  But the laying on of hands, the mass - all of that would just be very wrong, very uncomfortable for me. really.

MAK: Then let us send u positive healing vibes through the universe.

MAK: And listen to your sisters. They have survived the journey.

Me:  I'll take that

MAK: Done.

CAC (One of my closest friends, he currently resides in Austin):  Holy cow man! You need to pick up the telephone device and give me a call some day. But get your MRI done, you procrastinator!

CAC:   By the way, pass on my love and best wishes to Melinda. I'm so sorry she had to have her head cut open.

Me:  That is the one thing I should have mentioned - no cutting of skull - no shaving of head! I was so bummed that I was not able to laugh at Suzanne & Melinda for bad haircuts. They both still have full heads of thick, wavy hair like my dad's. I'm stuck with this bald pate - thanks, mom!

And none of us will end up with big, visible scars to scare children with.

CAC:   Honestly, it may not be worth the effort then.

MAK: Do it!!!!

Friday, May 9, 2014

Long Live the Queen!

I Gots a Tumor

Part Uno

Or, Where Suzanne Has To Have Center Stage

Most of you have already read this little tale, especially if you were one of my Facebook "friends" back in June, 2013.

But since so many people enjoyed it there, and because Facebook has a truly shitty interface when it comes to finding old posts, I have decided to repost these classic bits of literature on this, my own personal website blog thing.

If you did read these as they originally appeared on Facebook, you will find little changed. I've even ported the comments over from that site, but have anonymized them, hiding the true identities of the posters.

Let us begin:



Dateline: Tuesday, June 25, 2013 at 8:17pm

Well, the story so far - my sister, Suzanne Grayson, had an aneurysm in her BRAIN! And this morning she underwent BRAIN Surgery! They stuck a COIL in her HEAD!

Well, the surgeon said the surgery went well, and Suzanne is doing well. She was fast asleep when last I saw her. She wasn't very entertaining at all.

But, unlike her sister Melinda Harvey Kianpour, at least she was quiet. She's in one of the dozen or so ICU units. (I swear - I felt I should be rewarded a piece of cheese every time I managed to find my way back to one of the waiting rooms.)

Anywho, Suzanne will be released tomorrow and should be getting around fine in a week or two.

Now, I know you are all wondering the same thing - the most important thing - john, what about you? How are YOU holding up? What does this mean for you, old pal, old chum?

Well . . . This aneurysm thing is what killed my mom, and it is hereditary. Luckily - okay not so lucky for my sisters - it is more likely to occur in females. So, what am I going to do? To find out if I have this condition, I have to get an MRI.

Melinda is getting tested Thursday. Personally, I think it more prudent to wait and see if Suzanne starts talking like a duck or mistaking bagels for anti-personnel mines before I let anyone poke around in my glorious grey matter. So I think I'll wait a week or so.

Personally, I don't think there is any reason to get tested - I'm pretty sure I can skip the whole thing completely. I mean, if I don't have an aneurysm growing in my head, no one does . . . c'mon - it explains soooo much.

So with that final exclamation I bid you all, "Good night."

Oh, and finally, for those of you who have managed to suffer this far, and still find my attitude sick, or disturbing, then all I can say is - forgive me, there must be something wrong with my BRAIN!

Comments:


WGV (My Eldest Nephew)
:  Mom laughed when I read this to her!

Me:  Good - I'll be here all week.

WGV:  Well your not here now. LOL

MAK (My friend and a KC school nurse):  Wow. Brain surgery today. Home tomorrow.

MAK:  Hang in there John. Being of the male persuasion means it'll be your ticker that blows a gasket before your brain does. Just sayin'.

AHG (My CA cousin):  You are so my cousin...same disturbing sense of humor we will continue to send our thoughts and prayers to you all and are grateful for FBook as a tool for staying in touch!

Me:  AS you are well aware, Mary Alice, surgery today - home tomorrow is not just related to advances in medicine. It has more than a little to do with the fact that the indigent are forced to visit the ER when they have a flu.

MAK:  Brother John. I almost went into a long diatribe about medical insurance but stopped myself and poured myself another cocktail.

Me:  Mary Alice, you are smarter than me. As for my fate, I tend to rule out the ticker - it will either be the aneurysm, or I will starve to death after a few years of wondering what my name is. Not to get maudlin - but after watching my dad suffer the latter fate, I'm a big proponent of assisted Euthanasia.

Me:  Now about that cocktail. . .

MAK:  I will help you any way I can.

MAK:  Now bottoms up!!!

Me:  Aye!!

Melinda:   hey... are you complaining about my conversation skills?

Me:  Sometimes, when I am in the same room as you and Suzanne Grayson, I feel as if I'm the one idiot who brought a knife to a gunfight.

CM (old friend of Suzanne's):  John, haven't seen you in years, but thanks for the update. Give Suzanne a kiss for me and tell her in praying for her. God bless.

BK (one of my dearest Missouri Friends; together we co-founded the CTGFL):  John. Because of the wonders of modern medicine you can get a full body MRI. You could share all of your internal quirks and oddities with everyone! Just saying. I'm glad your sister's OK and you can be there with her.

Me:  Yeah - I think I over-shared here, but it was a very long day, and as my daughter Rose Harvey likes to say, "Whatchagonnado!?" I could delete it, but that might make people think I care what they think, and I don't want them to think that!

BTW - Suzanne Grayson is doing great, and should be going home in a few hours.

CHR (another crazy CA cousin):  What a horrendous ordeal for all of you, but what a relief that Suzanne is doing well and has extended her life significantly! You are all in my heart, and I'm sending positive thoughts your way. Of course, cocktails are always helpful! ?? Take care