Friday, May 9, 2014

Long Live the Queen!

I Gots a Tumor

Part Uno

Or, Where Suzanne Has To Have Center Stage

Most of you have already read this little tale, especially if you were one of my Facebook "friends" back in June, 2013.

But since so many people enjoyed it there, and because Facebook has a truly shitty interface when it comes to finding old posts, I have decided to repost these classic bits of literature on this, my own personal website blog thing.

If you did read these as they originally appeared on Facebook, you will find little changed. I've even ported the comments over from that site, but have anonymized them, hiding the true identities of the posters.

Let us begin:

Dateline: Tuesday, June 25, 2013 at 8:17pm

Well, the story so far - my sister, Suzanne Grayson, had an aneurysm in her BRAIN! And this morning she underwent BRAIN Surgery! They stuck a COIL in her HEAD!

Well, the surgeon said the surgery went well, and Suzanne is doing well. She was fast asleep when last I saw her. She wasn't very entertaining at all.

But, unlike her sister Melinda Harvey Kianpour, at least she was quiet. She's in one of the dozen or so ICU units. (I swear - I felt I should be rewarded a piece of cheese every time I managed to find my way back to one of the waiting rooms.)

Anywho, Suzanne will be released tomorrow and should be getting around fine in a week or two.

Now, I know you are all wondering the same thing - the most important thing - john, what about you? How are YOU holding up? What does this mean for you, old pal, old chum?

Well . . . This aneurysm thing is what killed my mom, and it is hereditary. Luckily - okay not so lucky for my sisters - it is more likely to occur in females. So, what am I going to do? To find out if I have this condition, I have to get an MRI.

Melinda is getting tested Thursday. Personally, I think it more prudent to wait and see if Suzanne starts talking like a duck or mistaking bagels for anti-personnel mines before I let anyone poke around in my glorious grey matter. So I think I'll wait a week or so.

Personally, I don't think there is any reason to get tested - I'm pretty sure I can skip the whole thing completely. I mean, if I don't have an aneurysm growing in my head, no one does . . . c'mon - it explains soooo much.

So with that final exclamation I bid you all, "Good night."

Oh, and finally, for those of you who have managed to suffer this far, and still find my attitude sick, or disturbing, then all I can say is - forgive me, there must be something wrong with my BRAIN!


WGV (My Eldest Nephew)
:  Mom laughed when I read this to her!

Me:  Good - I'll be here all week.

WGV:  Well your not here now. LOL

MAK (My friend and a KC school nurse):  Wow. Brain surgery today. Home tomorrow.

MAK:  Hang in there John. Being of the male persuasion means it'll be your ticker that blows a gasket before your brain does. Just sayin'.

AHG (My CA cousin):  You are so my cousin...same disturbing sense of humor we will continue to send our thoughts and prayers to you all and are grateful for FBook as a tool for staying in touch!

Me:  AS you are well aware, Mary Alice, surgery today - home tomorrow is not just related to advances in medicine. It has more than a little to do with the fact that the indigent are forced to visit the ER when they have a flu.

MAK:  Brother John. I almost went into a long diatribe about medical insurance but stopped myself and poured myself another cocktail.

Me:  Mary Alice, you are smarter than me. As for my fate, I tend to rule out the ticker - it will either be the aneurysm, or I will starve to death after a few years of wondering what my name is. Not to get maudlin - but after watching my dad suffer the latter fate, I'm a big proponent of assisted Euthanasia.

Me:  Now about that cocktail. . .

MAK:  I will help you any way I can.

MAK:  Now bottoms up!!!

Me:  Aye!!

Melinda:   hey... are you complaining about my conversation skills?

Me:  Sometimes, when I am in the same room as you and Suzanne Grayson, I feel as if I'm the one idiot who brought a knife to a gunfight.

CM (old friend of Suzanne's):  John, haven't seen you in years, but thanks for the update. Give Suzanne a kiss for me and tell her in praying for her. God bless.

BK (one of my dearest Missouri Friends; together we co-founded the CTGFL):  John. Because of the wonders of modern medicine you can get a full body MRI. You could share all of your internal quirks and oddities with everyone! Just saying. I'm glad your sister's OK and you can be there with her.

Me:  Yeah - I think I over-shared here, but it was a very long day, and as my daughter Rose Harvey likes to say, "Whatchagonnado!?" I could delete it, but that might make people think I care what they think, and I don't want them to think that!

BTW - Suzanne Grayson is doing great, and should be going home in a few hours.

CHR (another crazy CA cousin):  What a horrendous ordeal for all of you, but what a relief that Suzanne is doing well and has extended her life significantly! You are all in my heart, and I'm sending positive thoughts your way. Of course, cocktails are always helpful! ?? Take care

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